Crushed to Grow

I found time really flies when there are too many things to be done, yet time is always not enough. Yet often time before I fall asleep, sweet and funny memories of  my husband pre-accident stage floated on my mind.  My hubby, Papo (Pastor Poedji) loved learning new things in particular about finding your platform to share your life with others.   He even download his e-books and asked me to listen to them. How to build up your small groups and lead by examples. All the leadership books are readily available for me, to the point I often took them for granted.  Some of our small group leaders even complained "Wait wait, please don't send us anymore ebooks or articles....we haven't finish the one you sent last week."  He answered with a smile "All leaders are readers." I remembered asking him out loud : "Why would you want to go into so much trouble to improve yourself so much in the area of communication? I know how hard it is for you, you are not a

The  past week has been dreadful days for me. Often times Papo and I cried together for we do not know what else to do. There is not a single prayer that goes without crying out loud to the Lord. I often read to Papo the Psalms before I went home and had my much needed rest. When we read Psalms 91:11-12, where it said : For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone. I have a question in  my heart, where were  they (the angels) Lord when the accident happened? I can not stop myself from having those questions lingering in my mind.....after a long day of re-directing his behaviors. He often mixed up the current neighbors as his high school friends, would asked repetitively "do you remember me? I am Peodji".....until the other person got annoyed by his continuous questions. He would ask for water every second for he forgotten that he drank less than few seconds ago.

One of few letters of encouragement I sent to a close friend about a month ago. (this post is written mid Feb 2013, just realized I have not publish). Somehow I sense that it is divinely inspired, hence I saved it for myself to re-read during hard times.   I heard someone wise mentioned in the sermon, not "if troubles come" but "when trouble come" .....for it will surely come, and most likely n when it is least expected. Now I am reading this for myself , for right now I am exhausted in every way. My husband's condition is getting more taxing for me as a sole care giver. He talks and more fluent now, yet his short term memory is impaired. He will ask the same questions for many times, at least 10 times, and it is me who need to remind him over and over that it has been done. I am so tired physically, and the reports from the rehabilitation center team is not positive.  They said they have done what they can, and that my husband's stage will NOT be better

Crushed to Grow: Get bitter or better? : Dear friends, The past few days have been a hectic yet exciting days. Papo has been improving so fast, friends who haven't seen him duri...

Dear friends, The past few days have been a hectic yet exciting days. Papo has been improving so fast, friends who haven't seen him during the new years holiday came back with a shock, as they witnessed he is able to speak more in sentences and communicate with them. After the tracheotomy removed 3 days ago, he is now speaking with more clarity than prior to the removal. . He is able to convey his heart, and the amazing thing today is my husband cried, with tears flowing from his eyes continuously, for almost half and hour when a close friend visited. I never seen him cried and saying "today I cried a lot" few times ....but we sense this is a great release for him, for his fears and burdens has been trapped in for 5 months, and once he is able to speak God gives him chance to release all these tensions in his heart through crying. We told him it is OK for a man to cry, it is healthy in his case.  He profusely saying "thank you for praying for me" , &quo

Dear friends, This is my second posting for the blog.  I am still considering if I should upload pictures on this blog....confidentiality issues and bad internet connection problems are the major factors for doing so.  Believe it or not the internet connection in Surabaya, the second largest city of Indonesia, is still very "lemot" (translation: very  slow). Back to Papo updates (from the wife's perspective of course). It is a great Sunday for me, for I was greeted with "I love you" by my hubby when I said "good morning" when I met him in his room downstair. We chatted for a while, and he said "You are a wonderful wife", that was definetely a pleasant surprise, as I replied "You are a wonderful husband too". But  he continued with saying "sorry....sorry...sorry", when I heard this (actully it's more like reading it from his lips, for he has no clear voice yet) I can't hold my tears.... I

Dear friends, Since the accident, and our stay in Singapore during his critical moments for almost 3 months, many friends have been egging me to start a blog about what happened to us. Finally I have started a blog :) A concept which is so far from my mind about 5 months ago. But now, with the help of my dear friend KC Laksmono (who is also trying to revive her blog), I am starting to learn what blogging is all about. I still have so many things to learn, so please bear with me :) My life was "crushed" on the 19th August 2012, when my husband got traumatic brain injury (TBI) on a church mission trip to Central Kalimantan. The chronology of the accident I can not described in person for I was not there nor I think it is beneficial for us to re-enact the tragedy in our heads. I determined to just accept the fact that my husband, Peodji Hariono, who is the executive pastor of International Christian Assembly (ICA), an English speaking church in Surabaya, is now recupe