Get bitter or better?

Dear friends,

The past few days have been a hectic yet exciting days.

Papo has been improving so fast, friends who haven't seen him during the new years holiday came back with a shock, as they witnessed he is able to speak more in sentences and communicate with them.

After the tracheotomy removed 3 days ago, he is now speaking with more clarity than prior to the removal. .
He is able to convey his heart, and the amazing thing today is my husband cried, with tears flowing from his eyes continuously, for almost half and hour when a close friend visited.
I never seen him cried and saying "today I cried a lot" few times ....but we sense this is a great release for him, for his fears and burdens has been trapped in for 5 months, and once he is able to speak God gives him chance to release all these tensions in his heart through crying.
We told him it is OK for a man to cry, it is healthy in his case.  He profusely saying "thank you for praying for me" , "you have been so loving to my family" , "amen to your prayers"  and "please pray for me".
My friend, her daughter and myself can't hold our tears when he said those words with teary eyes....it's not tears of sadness but of joy.
I know my hubby is being touched by the Holy Spirit, it is untying the knots in his heart to prevent "spiritual stroke" I guess (this is my own phrase after listening to so many diagnoses from different doctors and reading medical reports...heheheh).

It all happened so sudden, there were siblings and neurologist from Taiwan (who is also a distant relative) came by and checked on him.  She brought good affirmation by saying that Papo will surely regain his healthy stage like before the accident (I said in my heart...it's gonna be better than before) and all he needs now is a continuous physiotherapy and great motivation to keep exercising.

Despite all things have been going really well, sometimes I found myself having thoughts that is not of God.  The enemies like to attack my mind with "what ifs" , right after I was assured by God's presence in our lives as we are threading on the water of uncertainty, such as:

"This won't last long.....remember the saying whatever goes up must have to come down?"

"Nothing good will last long, something bad would come soon" (this is the Chinese side of me popped in I guess 乐极生悲 = too much happiness will bear sadness, it's a Chinese proverbs i think).

I got shocked and tried to find nut the reason why this kind of thoughts will pop into my head.  I witnessed and tasted God's goodness daily in my life, miracles after miracles, big or small, continue to happen before my very eyes ....so how come?

However, the Lord really knows my weakness and attracted towards them :)
He is not shocked by my negative reactions, and His love is always greater than what my small mind can ever comprehend.
Instead of letting me slide away, and being offended due to my gazillion times of losing faith in His unconditional love for me....he pulled me up again by reminding me what He said in His Words.

Jer 29:11-13
"For I know the plan I have for you, " says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you," says the Lord.

Frankly, I use to read the verse 11 only, not till verse 13.   During my recent quite time,  I came across this verse  again. Now with a fresh perspective and meaning to it.
I thank HIM for reminding me that when I pray, HE will listen.
If I look for him wholeheartedly, HE will be found.....HE is not an apathy God, He is so willing to be involved in my life and looking forward to rescue me from my mess (which often self inflicted).
He is not a distant God who look from above and waiting for me to make mistakes and said "gotcha", not at all.  In fact He has been so patient with my stubbornness and lies of being serious in prioritizing Him in my life.....He always take me back even when I broke my promises so often till the point where I think "If I were God, I won't forgive myself".

So knowing what HE  says and looking at my surrounding....now it's time for me to make the decision.
Would I choose to be better or bitter?
Better is when I bawled my eyes out and stop asking questions that won't get answers for now. I will get better when I choose to move on with what HE has in store for me.

Or be bitter and get offended by HIM who has  "allowed" tragic things to happen and wrecked my boat? Get stuck in the rut of "why Lord , why me? why so unfair? what is wrong with me? what do you want from me?".

So far by HIS grace, I am able to choose "better" more over "bitter"....and I intend to keep it that way by putting God's armor on myself daily.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
(Ephesians 6:10-13)