Happy New Year 2014 extended to 2017

The year 2013 has ended about 2 hours ago. I am overwhelmed, physically and mentally drained. I often find myself thinking negatively about the future instead of positive, that's not in my nature to act like so.  Most people know me as a bubble chatty person, has a gift of gab, can make strangers feel at ease in a new place..... but now I am struggling with just going out of the house. My hubby is not getting better, physically nor emotionally. He slapped me twice just before the year ended. We came home from a family dinner at a restaurant, things went well and everyone shown their love and concerns to him in their own way..... yet when we got home, he became agitated, repetitively asking for shower, water to drink or to be hoisted upstairs.  All of those repetitively .....screaming louder and louder on top of his lung....usually when i try to calm him down with gentle soft tone voice it works, yet tonight it didn't work. Now he asked me to leave him alone, for he wa

How does TEST morphs to TESTimony?

I found time really flies when there are too many things to be done, yet time is always not enough. Yet often time before I fall asleep, sweet and funny memories of  my husband pre-accident stage floated on my mind.  My hubby, Papo (Pastor Poedji) loved learning new things in particular about finding your platform to share your life with others.   He even download his e-books and asked me to listen to them. How to build up your small groups and lead by examples. All the leadership books are readily available for me, to the point I often took them for granted.  Some of our small group leaders even complained "Wait wait, please don't send us anymore ebooks or articles....we haven't finish the one you sent last week."  He answered with a smile "All leaders are readers." I remembered asking him out loud : "Why would you want to go into so much trouble to improve yourself so much in the area of communication? I know how hard it is for you, you are not a

The valley of death days

The  past week has been dreadful days for me. Often times Papo and I cried together for we do not know what else to do. There is not a single prayer that goes without crying out loud to the Lord. I often read to Papo the Psalms before I went home and had my much needed rest. When we read Psalms 91:11-12, where it said : For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone. I have a question in  my heart, where were  they (the angels) Lord when the accident happened? I can not stop myself from having those questions lingering in my mind.....after a long day of re-directing his behaviors. He often mixed up the current neighbors as his high school friends, would asked repetitively "do you remember me? I am Peodji".....until the other person got annoyed by his continuous questions. He would ask for water every second for he forgotten that he drank less than few seconds ago.

Guard it with you life!

One of few letters of encouragement I sent to a close friend about a month ago. (this post is written mid Feb 2013, just realized I have not publish). Somehow I sense that it is divinely inspired, hence I saved it for myself to re-read during hard times.   I heard someone wise mentioned in the sermon, not "if troubles come" but "when trouble come" .....for it will surely come, and most likely n when it is least expected. Now I am reading this for myself , for right now I am exhausted in every way. My husband's condition is getting more taxing for me as a sole care giver. He talks and more fluent now, yet his short term memory is impaired. He will ask the same questions for many times, at least 10 times, and it is me who need to remind him over and over that it has been done. I am so tired physically, and the reports from the rehabilitation center team is not positive.  They said they have done what they can, and that my husband's stage will NOT be better

I choose to be better, how about you??

Crushed to Grow: Get bitter or better? : Dear friends, The past few days have been a hectic yet exciting days. Papo has been improving so fast, friends who haven't seen him duri...

Get bitter or better?

Dear friends, The past few days have been a hectic yet exciting days. Papo has been improving so fast, friends who haven't seen him during the new years holiday came back with a shock, as they witnessed he is able to speak more in sentences and communicate with them. After the tracheotomy removed 3 days ago, he is now speaking with more clarity than prior to the removal. . He is able to convey his heart, and the amazing thing today is my husband cried, with tears flowing from his eyes continuously, for almost half and hour when a close friend visited. I never seen him cried and saying "today I cried a lot" few times ....but we sense this is a great release for him, for his fears and burdens has been trapped in for 5 months, and once he is able to speak God gives him chance to release all these tensions in his heart through crying. We told him it is OK for a man to cry, it is healthy in his case.  He profusely saying "thank you for praying for me" , &quo

A day filled with cocktail

Dear friends, This is my second posting for the blog.  I am still considering if I should upload pictures on this blog....confidentiality issues and bad internet connection problems are the major factors for doing so.  Believe it or not the internet connection in Surabaya, the second largest city of Indonesia, is still very "lemot" (translation: very  slow). Back to Papo updates (from the wife's perspective of course). It is a great Sunday for me, for I was greeted with "I love you" by my hubby when I said "good morning" when I met him in his room downstair. We chatted for a while, and he said "You are a wonderful wife", that was definetely a pleasant surprise, as I replied "You are a wonderful husband too". But  he continued with saying "sorry....sorry...sorry", when I heard this (actully it's more like reading it from his lips, for he has no clear voice yet) I can't hold my tears.... I