How does TEST morphs to TESTimony?
I found time really flies when there are too many things to be done, yet time is always not enough.
Yet often time before I fall asleep, sweet and funny memories of my husband pre-accident stage floated on my mind. My hubby, Papo (Pastor Poedji) loved learning new things in particular about finding your platform to share your life with others.
He even download his e-books and asked me to listen to them.
How to build up your small groups and lead by examples. All the leadership books are readily available for me, to the point I often took them for granted.
Some of our small group leaders even complained "Wait wait, please don't send us anymore ebooks or articles....we haven't finish the one you sent last week." He answered with a smile "All leaders are readers."
I remembered asking him out loud : "Why would you want to go into so much trouble to improve yourself so much in the area of communication? I know how hard it is for you, you are not a born communicator, so why try so hard?"
"I want to improve myself so I can be more useful for God's kingdom......all out for GOD."
He has his way of quieting my questions, by solid irrevocable answers.
But his answers lingers in my mind a lot, for I see that he is so in tune with his God given purpose, so at peace and assured of what he need to do to achieve that goal. I admire that, his sense of purpose somehow fill my "love tank" (for those who are not familiar with this vocab, please read Dr. Gary Chapman's Love 5 languages, very good!)
Now, as we passed the 13 months after his accident.
Things are settling down in term of his overall health. Except for his will to go through the pain and keep working on the therapy.
He turned into someone whom I don't know, his old qualities of patient endurance somehow gone when it comes to his physiotherapy. He said it is too painful to move his left side, that he would rather die.
I know it sounded dramatic, but for me to hear all these words from his lips is unthinkable.
Though I know this is the TBI talking, yet I still find it is very hard to hear those discouraging, pain avoiding, bargaining for shorter period of therapy, coming from him. The contrast is so shocking, unacceptable and appalling. That is not my husband talking, that is a different person whom I don't know.
Reading no longer interest him, praising God with songs only comes when I started singing ......it seemed that he has lost his passion in life.
But God's encouragements come in many forms during this stressful time. So it is true that anguish and joy can co-exist (something i learned from a godly wonderful lady named Beth Moore....she doesn't know me, but after doing so many bible study written by her, I feel like I know her so well).
One of the most helpful method to lift my spirit up is by counting my blessings from God. Every good and perfect will comes from Him!
List of blessings :
The verses that keep appearing in my head are:
Hebrews 10:35-36
James 1: 2-4,12
As if the Lord is trying to tell me to hang in there, patient endurance is what you need now, Linda.
All these bring me closer to the person whom the Lord has planned for me before my existence on this earth. I am reaching my purpose through pain, no wonder they say "no pain, no gain".
Pain indeed is a necessary step to reach where I am suppose to be, so be it. Just like what's written in James 1:4 during testing my endurance has a chance to grow, so LET IT GROW!
Our new motto for Papo's physiotherapy time is "Working through the pain, to reach the healing, in Jesus Name"
Today I went through a long day of traffics, dealing with local government offices and all. Again testing my patience.....praise the Lord for helping me to keep calm and smile.
Thank God also as it was interluded with catching up with dear friend whom is also under great pressure and testing of faith in her own life.
Again the Lord sent "an angel in human form" my way, as she shared with me the progress of her struggles and how all these keep her very close to the Lord. She realized each day she can't get through another day without Him holding her hands.
Yet often time before I fall asleep, sweet and funny memories of my husband pre-accident stage floated on my mind. My hubby, Papo (Pastor Poedji) loved learning new things in particular about finding your platform to share your life with others.
He even download his e-books and asked me to listen to them.
How to build up your small groups and lead by examples. All the leadership books are readily available for me, to the point I often took them for granted.
Some of our small group leaders even complained "Wait wait, please don't send us anymore ebooks or articles....we haven't finish the one you sent last week." He answered with a smile "All leaders are readers."
I remembered asking him out loud : "Why would you want to go into so much trouble to improve yourself so much in the area of communication? I know how hard it is for you, you are not a born communicator, so why try so hard?"
"I want to improve myself so I can be more useful for God's kingdom......all out for GOD."
He has his way of quieting my questions, by solid irrevocable answers.
But his answers lingers in my mind a lot, for I see that he is so in tune with his God given purpose, so at peace and assured of what he need to do to achieve that goal. I admire that, his sense of purpose somehow fill my "love tank" (for those who are not familiar with this vocab, please read Dr. Gary Chapman's Love 5 languages, very good!)
Now, as we passed the 13 months after his accident.
Things are settling down in term of his overall health. Except for his will to go through the pain and keep working on the therapy.
He turned into someone whom I don't know, his old qualities of patient endurance somehow gone when it comes to his physiotherapy. He said it is too painful to move his left side, that he would rather die.
I know it sounded dramatic, but for me to hear all these words from his lips is unthinkable.
Though I know this is the TBI talking, yet I still find it is very hard to hear those discouraging, pain avoiding, bargaining for shorter period of therapy, coming from him. The contrast is so shocking, unacceptable and appalling. That is not my husband talking, that is a different person whom I don't know.
Reading no longer interest him, praising God with songs only comes when I started singing ......it seemed that he has lost his passion in life.
But God's encouragements come in many forms during this stressful time. So it is true that anguish and joy can co-exist (something i learned from a godly wonderful lady named Beth Moore....she doesn't know me, but after doing so many bible study written by her, I feel like I know her so well).
One of the most helpful method to lift my spirit up is by counting my blessings from God. Every good and perfect will comes from Him!
List of blessings :
- He sent us a good therapist who has passion in helping people regain their strength through physiotherapy to help Papo daily.
- He sent a tuina specialist, an old man that we never know of, coming from a different city....whom after treating Papo 3 times his left leg start to have obvious movement and his left palm is more flexible than before (his left hand was so hard to open once it turned to a fist). He screamed and cry for pain often , but all that paid off after seeing the results.
- My boys started to show their acceptance towards what happened to us as a family, not just to their father. They started to get involved in training Papo's mind game on the ipad. Our older son, Josiah, who is 10 now, willing to cheer for his dad during his leg bike or hand bike sessions. These small gestures are so dear to me, it shown me that the Lord is at work in their hearts and starting to heal their hurts and giving them new wisdom on how to deal with a "bomb" that hits their family.
- Though our 8 year-old Luke still refuses to hug or kiss his dad, never once he forgot to pray for his beloved dad, I am thankful for the small improvement in his way interacting with his dad. He shows it differently from Josiah for he has a different love language from us. What matter is that Luke cares for his dad !
- Papo started to ask me how did he behave at church right after the service is done and we got into the car , since 2 weeks ago. This is a good sign as he started to care about how his behaviors affects others, being able to empathized is a complex process!
- He often asked others "How can I pray for you?" , and our church started to send prayer list for Papo to pray consistently everyday. God is so good and encouraging, the item that we prayed for last night was answered right this morning! This gives Papo some meaning to his bedridden stage now, he can't go anywhere, but he can still pray for others and it is being answered fast!
The verses that keep appearing in my head are:
Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
James 1: 2-4,12
2. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
12. God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.I noticed that patient endurance is the common theme here.
As if the Lord is trying to tell me to hang in there, patient endurance is what you need now, Linda.
All these bring me closer to the person whom the Lord has planned for me before my existence on this earth. I am reaching my purpose through pain, no wonder they say "no pain, no gain".
Pain indeed is a necessary step to reach where I am suppose to be, so be it. Just like what's written in James 1:4 during testing my endurance has a chance to grow, so LET IT GROW!
Our new motto for Papo's physiotherapy time is "Working through the pain, to reach the healing, in Jesus Name"
Today I went through a long day of traffics, dealing with local government offices and all. Again testing my patience.....praise the Lord for helping me to keep calm and smile.
Thank God also as it was interluded with catching up with dear friend whom is also under great pressure and testing of faith in her own life.
Again the Lord sent "an angel in human form" my way, as she shared with me the progress of her struggles and how all these keep her very close to the Lord. She realized each day she can't get through another day without Him holding her hands.
She said "our TEST won't become TESTimony without pain/troubles" Precisely my sentiment! We both agree that during these painful dreading moments in life, we can sense HIS love and care for us is REAL which fuel us to keep moving forward in quietness and trust in Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour!
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